Max Bell finds the revulsion invigorating.
Another year. Another BET awards. Another round of ciphers. I give you my thoughts off the top of the dome. But really though, off the top of the dome. Seriously, I didn’t write this, look at it, think about it, and then try to make it sound better or clever. Can you imagine how terrible it would be if I did? Exactly.
“Grand Hustle”
Trae Tha Truth – We get it. You’ve been rapping a long time.
Chip – Rap game Craig David.
Iggy Azalea – “We’re not that into you.” So meta.
B.o.B – Congratulations. You now carry Grand Hustle financially and lyrically.
T.I. – It’s your record label, trouble man. It’s yours.
“The True School”
Jean Grae – She came back on the fourth hit.
Sarkodie – They do it every year. Don’t you know I can’t read that fast?
Ab Soul – Giving the people what they want. Rap game Haile Selassie.
Talib Kweli – The day Frank Ocean goes to Chik-Fil-A is the day your next single makes it to the Billboard Top 40.
“The Raw”
JayBird the Purdi Boy – His name is JayBird the Purdi Boy
Hopsin – Really, they didn’t invite you? Panorama City is scarier than your eyes.
Schoolboy Q – Yes. We know when Kendrick’s album drops. You can still spit though.
Mac Miller – It’s a like/hate thing. So right now, I like Miller and models wearing Iverson’s.
Mystikal – Rap game Redd Foxx.
“Iron Mic”
RZA – We were already going to see your movie. But bong bong.
Angel Haze – If I choose to believe that you are ‘not real,’ then you aren’t. That’s from some school of philosophy, I think. Either way, knowledge dropped.
Joey BadA$$ – He might get there.
Drilky Graham – Self-promo t-shirt swag. His name seems like an amalgamation of the various monikers belonging to that Drake guy.
Childish Gambino – Sometimes.
A$AP Rocky – Only the “pretty motherfucker” would diss everyone in the cipher.
“The West Coast”
Xzibit – Hennessy needs to pay this man already.
YG – Bars for the ratchets.
Kurupt – That chair can’t hold him.
E-40 – Apparently he has been a White House consultant since 2009.
DJ Quik – It’s fair to say he’s the best rapper/producer of all time from the left coast.
Kendrick Lamar – So we all agree that October 22 could very well become a national holiday, right?
Snoop Dogg – The lion hasn’t lost it. And he still knows his left from his right.
“Ruff Ryders”
Murda Mook – He will be handing out ballots on November 6.
Cassidy – I already use your old CDs for fertilizer.
Eve – Please come back.
DMX – The FCC can’t hold the dog. Grrrr. Bark. Grrr.